


Losing Balance

by Ralli



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Gen, Mentions of not feeling like a human, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, The Lava Scene, not beta read we die like block men, sad tommyinnit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:40:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28001796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ralli/pseuds/Ralli
Summary: Tommy stands on the edge of the blackstone path. He’s swaying, testing his balance.
Relationships: None
Comments: 4
Kudos: 115





	Losing Balance

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Serious suicidal thoughts, even if it’s never thought of as ‘suicide’. 
> 
> Hi. I love writing characters who hate themselves. I’m sorry.

Losing his balance would be terrifyingly easy. Especially standing on the edge of the blackstone path. There’s this horrible call inside him, telling him just to sway and sway until his weight takes him down, down, down. He wonders for a fleeting moment if it’s peaceful below the surface of the bubbling lava. It’s molten rock, it has to be thicker than water, the current slower, lazier. 

There’s the soft sounds of striders walking down there. Tommy envies them, the simplicity of the life of an animal. They don’t wonder if their best friend hates them, or if they’ll ever get to return to their home. They just splash in the lava. Maybe Tommy can join them. 

He sways a little harder, mesmerized by the shifting of colors below him. He could just... stop standing straight. Just let himself fall. 

He’s lost everything already. His home, his friends, his Tubbo. What’s one more thing, one last thing to let go of. He could lose his balance and be done with it all. 

He’s tired. He’s never had so little to do. It’s no wonder he would be tired, he’s never let himself sit down before, constantly on the go, running. He’s got nowhere to run now, backed into a metaphorical corner. He’s been running for so long his continuous movement has left him bruised and aching, and he’s nothing but tired bones surrounded by disappointing meat. 

Selfish, Tubbo called him. And maybe he was right. The discs came first, the discs started it all. And now he’s lost so much more. Funny that his discs don’t cross his mind as much as his best friend does. So yes, Tommy is selfish, in the way only a truly selfless person can be. 

He’s given so much, and he’d give so much more, but he’s selfish for wanting anything in return.

And now he's lost so much more for being greedy, for wanting his disc back. Maybe he should be selfless to himself once and sacrifice his balance to end the torment he’s put himself through. He’s swaying more now, almost at that point of no return. The lava is mesmerizing. The heat, he remembers the heat. He’s died to lava before, in a different world, one without a limit on respawns. It’s hot enough not to feel it. He burned to death before he drowned, but he remembers the taste of it. It would be quick. 

Even now the updrafts of the nether bring the heat of the lava lake up. He’s sweating, hypnotized as he stares and sways. His hands are shaking. There’s this kind of feeling, only described as  _ anticipation _ . The feeling one gets when standing on a precipice, both literally and figuratively. 

Would he like it as a ghost? Would he even come back as a ghost? (would he want to come back as a ghost?)

There’s the sound of nether teleportation to his right. Tommy stops swaying. 

A hand lands on his shoulder. “It’s not your time to die yet,” Dream says. His voice is tinged with something fearful. 

Tommy nods, but his eyes go back to the lava. Dream pushes him back, fist balled up in the shoulder of his shirt, as if the green bastard could stop Tommy from falling if he wanted to. The anger he’s been clinging to for days now bubbles up much like the lava below. Maybe Tommy will burn himself up from the inside with this feeling. Maybe the lava isn’t necessary. 

It would be quicker, though. 

“It’s never my time to die.”

**Author's Note:**

> I have two other fics i’m working on and instead i’m writing the internal thoughts of a block man role play persona because he stared too long at really warm rocks.


End file.
